Monday-Tuesday surprise

Last night/ NOW my girlfriend made me this amazing dinner at home. She cooked some pasta with veggie meat and CHEESE and we dranked cider instead of liquor. We spoke over candle light instead of dimmed room light. It was so romantic and just the perfect ending to a HORRIBLE day. It was a breather from my thoughts that have been confronting me at every corner.

Now my queen sleeps as I write about ALL the details of our romantic night. So, today I went to go visit my grandmother in the hospital. It was awkward because my grandmother looks so different from what I am use to her looking like. I stayed with her for about four hours before escaping the melt down that was sure to come. I went to go get hot chocolate with my twin sister(literally) and my friend before going to my girlfriend's house to release the pain and anger I had towards myself and towards "the higher being" that created this dichotomy of life and death. But little did I know that my girlfriend had a major surprise in store for me. It was not the stereotypical dinner I thought she would create...it was truly ROMANTIC. I got to cry and vent about my grandmother!!! I got to make love without the fear of my college floor mates being disturbed. I got to moan her name without any stifles and it was so perfect. Just the medicine I needed.

I hope everyone enjoys the rest of their Tuesday because I know I will.
Happy Tuesday

The City Feel

I am finally back in city and I couldn't have felt any better. I got to experience different cultures that slaps me in the face daily. It was spectacular. I have never seen so many black and spanish people in the past month so it was refreshing to see some of my own people...

New York could not have treated me any better my first day back. I got to hang with my best friend, Jasmine and my girlfriend, Bri at the same time, which rarely happens when I am away at school. I got to stay at Jasmine and watched a whole day of Law and Order marathon...SUV!!! It was amazing. I have been very content with my home life now that I am home. It does not feel as hectic as it usually is but I am not going to hold my breath on this one.

I am looking forward to trying Hookah sometime this week with my college buddies. Hopefully, our plans don't fall through. I am open to other ideas for how to take advantage of the city of New York. I am going to go brainstorm this. And thank the Heavens for all of this amazing city feel my first day back.




Quote of the moment: Soul meets soul on lovers' lips.

Secret Santa Confuzzle

All 7 of my co-staff members decided to do Secret Santa with each other. It was a fun idea at the time because we all didn't really know each other too well. So, this would be an exciting activity to do as we suffer the last night of finals together while our residents leave to go to their respective homes. I got my friend Nina, who is so bubbly..and a dancer and just fun to be around. And, this year, she is working on being a "bad ass". She cut bangs and even got her cartilage pierced. Now, this is HUGE for Nina. She is one of those girls that plays by the rules for the most part. I thought it would be a cute idea to make her a book on the rest of her staff members who are "bad ass" (I'm sure these are my words, not theirs.)

And then I was thinking, what else can I do to inspire Nina to be bad ass? My ideas were limited to the fact that I don't have a car on campus so it was literally wherever I can find cheap gifts in a close proximity. I ended up buying her a back massager for when the REAL bad ass in Nina comes out. She is going to have a lot of cuts and bruises but good memories to look back on. A back massager might be needed. (laughing).

I hope she likes the gifts because a lot of thought and energy went into finding and making them. I was trying to encourage (ok, more like pressure) Nina into getting another ear piercing but it was to no avail. (shrugs) Oh well, I guess I'll try again next year.

(Nina is the 5th person in. We were attempting to spell Vaginas since we live in an all girls dorm)

A nightmare

She went to bed happy and woke up hurt and frustrated. Her dream betrayed her. I betrayed her. Thoughts of your girlfriend walking off holding hands of another is enough to scare anyone out of their sleep, the one place where you are suppose to be safe...from enemies and work and problems yet...her dream betrayed her. I betrayed her. Walking off holding hands of another is...not me. If I leave anyone, it is purely because I am not happy. Not because I want to be with someone else.

Old memories may come but what was meant to be will be.
And evry one has their role in every life they encounter; whether it be for a moment, a month or longer is up to the Universe. What is up to us is that we enjoy and embrace every second we have together. In the NoW. In the Moment.

I am yours. Now. Dreams are...but the subconscious telling you what you are afraid to admit when you are awake. You are scared. Insecure. And I don't blame you, I guess. But remember that when you wake up from that dream look at who you are laying next to.

Dumbing Down of Love-Frou Frou...this is the song of the moment.

This is going to last. Now and Forever (and if not forever, atleast for the moment, let's enjoy it)
I love you

A friend once said...

Studying. Studying. Eating. Studying. Watching an episode of Grey's Anatomy. Studying. Finally at 3:30am...sleep

11:45 (alarm does not go off but I get up anyway.)

I look around at how meaningless Finals weeks is. It consumes my life. And I allow it to. I study all day. I take a nap for an 1hr and 30 mins. I eat.
I study until my friend walks in. She has seen the light. HAVE NO EXPECTIONS. When you have huge expectations, you also set yourself up for huge disappointment.

Happiness=Satisfaction divided by Desires

And it actually made sense to me. Life are full of small processes. Little moments that matter more than the overall bigger moment. Nothing matters more than this moment right here. This moment while you are reading this blog, or watching television or eating or just observing the world around you. This moment is the only one that matters.

It's sad that I discovered that nothing matters more than this moment hours before my final but you know what: who cares? I am going to put all my energy and effort into this moment and into every moment because you never know when it might be your last.

It makes sense to me. I feel like I have achieved something. And so...no more studying for me. I am going to be spontaneous and just hope that I know what my professor has taught me for the past semester. Politics. Politics. Politics.

And if I fail, the world and everything in it will be ok.
                  

Blog Talk Radio??!?!??

Blog Talk Radio...a place where you can get your name out there and have fun in the process... on the radio. I am a a BIG radio girl (when I have access to it) and was astonished when I heard that BLOGSPOT has a radio for people to get their thoughts out there in a different and new way. It's amazing what you can do within 30 minutes online.


My girlfriend had her first radio show today at 6pm and I was truly impressed. She played music that COLLEGE students LOVE to hear in clubs and at parties. So, if you are a DJ or just anyone who likes to talk about controversial, fun facts BLOG TALK RADIO is definitely the place to do it.


I am proud of you baby. You did a good job!!!


Happy Listening!!!

Nothing and Everything that matters

I come home in a week!!! The excitement is overwhelming. I miss the city, the lights, the friends that are family and surprise, surprise I miss my girlfriend. This is the same girl that has bee driving me CRAZY for months. We have had extreme ups and downs but we have learned a lot about each other through it all. I learned how much I need to just get up and go...but that sometimes I need to have patience. She learned that she is amazing with her talents and that she NEEDS to get up out there and perform. Get her name out there because the worse that can happen is what?!? NOTHING.

Amazing artist sometimes need that push to feel confident about their gifts. I know that I did. I was self conscious about performing my poetry but after I got past that phase it seems so much easier to perform words that are genuine to what I feel is important.

Latest Poetry inspired by...nothing and everything that matters.

Nothing and Everything
Think of whats important...think WHY it's important
future jobs and careers (hmmmm) why is it important?
It's not.
Money doesn't buy happiness.
 It brings temporary enjoyment
for a moment. In the moment.
Education is important why?
To get a career that can bring you money
 that doesn't even make you happy in the long run?
It's oppressing and sad and...
the only system human beings know that can help them thrive
well I refuse to thrive on this.
It's heteronormative
So what is important?
Nothing and Everything!!
I'm above the influence
Are you?

Disclaimer: I was actually inspired by my lovely girlfriend who is dealing with a lot and has her moments when she believes nothing is important in America anymore...but in actuality, everything is just as important as nothing.

I hope you like this random blurb. It wasn't nothing too different out of the norms for me. Topics like this have been affecting my life a lot lately. Everything and Nothing

Details

Tired Eyes unravels the mysteries from last night.
Cigarettes. Water. Cheese. Ice. Popcorn. Sleep.
*pulls in* I'm thirsty. Takes a sip of water.
"I'm starving"  Bites a piece of cheese
"It's hot in here" Pops some ice in mouth
Time: 2:36am
Heavy eyes succumbs to what the body has been screaming the last hour
Goodnight.
Sleep.
Dreams and Fantasies come alive in minutes.
It only last for minutes.
Rage consumes the room for every female who has someone that doesn't care about them.
I guess lesbians aren;t the only ones mad.
Sun awakens in an angry fury of bright light, disturbing everyone it can.
Angry sun...go away. Come again another day (or another hour for that matter)
But it doesn't, it stays put
waiting for all the details of last night to meet it's maker.
In the great words of Steve Urkel
Oops, did I do that?

Dreaming...

So...tonight is one of those nights when conversations with the wifey consists of arguing and then making up...and wishing ya'll were together back to arguing again. She had a status that read: LADIES COME SEE ME but she changed it. And I was back to being happy again. New status: MY BABES IS MY HEART...

You see how easy it is for me to smile with her. She writes five words and my heart melts for her. Continuuously. And the stresses of FINALS doesn't feel so unbearable. Because I know that I am coming home to her soon.

Being a political science major has opened my eyes up to so many things that affects me everyday.I discovered how important the people we elect into office are...from the House of Representatives and up. They are people that should make the change their constitutients want. Call your Senators and tell them to pass the DREAMACT. It's what American's want.

Dreams + "Act" (Action)= CHANGE

Commenting on the Uncommentable:

It's difficult to have conversations with friends and loved ones when some things tend to be so taboo. For example, my grandmother is close to on her death bed, yet know one wants to talk about it. It's like the elephant in the room. You know that everyone is thinking about it yet everyone refuses to discuss it. It's a loss that is sure to come and it's extremely difficult to comprehend death but I'd rather get my feelings out there. Especially to people that care about my grandmother and ME...for crying out loud.

This week has just been full of so many goodbyes. And it's hard to deal with all of this. No one should deal with it alone. It doesn't help that the holidays are coming. But, we suck it up and keep quiet because appearantly, the elephant is small enough to hide behind kitchen/diner tables. The memories shared won't ever be forgotten. Family life is crazy but we deal because every elephant that is hidden for a reason. Right?

Missing Random Things

What to do? What to do? So many options in Pennsylvania...(yes, this is me being sarcastic). I miss New York City. I miss the lights, the public transportation (that runs every ten to fifteen minutes). I miss there being more than one type of GAY female (because college undercover ones aren't working for me). I miss just getting up and going. Being free...and exploring the city that has had me in it's reign for the past 19 years. I moved out to Pennsylvania to get a different experience for college and it has served to be both a pain and a pleasure...more painly though. I miss the friends that make me a better Zaraya. I miss the people that make me a more patient Zaraya. Ha...

I am looking forward to Christmas. Not for the gifts but for the familytime that might actually happen this year. But who knows, I am usually disappointed with these things.

Happy Holidays Bloggers :)

Purple Sheets and Memories

Last night, I thought about her. I thought about her doing the DOUGIE...I thought about her kisses...how she close to attacks me when I come back to her after every break. How she continuously blasts Keri Hilson and Far East Movement from her IPOD...how her taste in phones are never cheap...but she's my QUEEN and so it shouldn't be. I miss her. I miss her laying against my purple sheets with just panties on. I miss our memories that may or may not ever come. I am walking by FAITH with her. And her with me. So, hopefully FAITH doesn't let us down.

BRI AND RAYA
       4ever
          <3