Fairly Legit

Today was a weird day for me. I am in this class titled Black Feminist Theory and the content is mind boggling. I am trying to approach the class with an open mind yet I can not help but feel like this class is wasting my time. It is exploring topics that I doubt even exist.

       The theories behind this feminism is very constrictive and exclusive. I believe that black women should fight for equality facing both the race front and the gender front. Yet, this class is telling me that black women can see into an insight that no other women can see into because they have been oppressed in a different way from other races. I do not agree with this concept yet it is a major idea behind Black Feminist Theory.

        My professor has made it her business to address my sister and I according to our last names (urgh) and calling us twins in the process. Hello, I have a name. Its Zaraya! Besides the obvious laziness with trying to learn  the difference between my sister and I, my professor continues to pre-suppose how I feel about the content and context of the class. Instead of asking my opinion, which can change from class to class, my professor assumes specifically my opinion. I am trying to remain open minded but I just can not see this class as anything close to fairly legit.

What should I do? Stay or Drop it?

A higher being...

This past week I decided that in honor of my friend, Jess, who is trying to lose weight, I would stop drinking liquor until her birthday (March 6th). This week has been pretty easy since they were school nights but now that all my classes are over, the beginning of my weekend has officially started. I have a bottle of cheap Svedka waiting in my mini- fridgerator calling my name in all types of alcoholic dialects, yet I must resist the urge not to drink. It should be easy right? Wrong! Not drinking is harder because I know that I set this goal up for myself and at any moment I can break this pact. I would only be disappointing myself really.

         Yet, two weeks ago, my girlfriend discovered that there is a 16 year old girl missing from her family since December 28th, 2010. She still has not been found. And today is January 28th, exactly a month since her disappearance. This became another reason to fast against liquor. I have not been too religious lately but to hear about a fellow black female missing for so long, it makes me believe again. It gives me a reason to believe that there is a higher being out there that is pulling all the strings with every persons' life. And that if you just pray a little harder, this higher being might pull some strings in your favor. It gives me a reason to stay strong and fast...so, wish me luck as I get through this weekend, sober and praying that this girl is found.

        It's interesting how people start to band together when a tragedy happens. What's more fascinating is  how people can relate to other's lost. I can't help but feel this mother's pain. Where is her daughter at? Is she alive? This can happen to anyone...but why specifically this family? It pushes my weak faith to the test. I hope I get through this weekend...without my Sveka bottle that so desperately wants to be drank. Ha! A higher being right....

Quotes for the New Year

This New Years has been off to an amazing roller coaster already.  Between discovering my disappointing Grade Point Average (GPA) and hearing the news that I have to resign from Student Government, I do not know what else can go wrong. I was excited for the New Year to arrive because in my naive and simple mind, I thought that the problems that existed before would no longer exist. Silly me...I should have known better. And some part of me knew that the problems I had would not automatically disappear but I wanted my fairy tale to be so real and true. (sighs) Fooled me.

A good thing that I discovered was that I got accepted into a conference that is taking place in California this year. I am super excited because this is a conference that I have heard has made a huge impact on other students life. So, without high hopes, I hope the same happens to me. I want a wake up call. From what, you may wonder? I DONT KNOW!  But a change definitely needs to happen. I want to discover what I have lost in the last few months and what I have gained. I know that this discovery is not going to happen on my own but I want to surround myself around people who know and care about me. So, this journey of self realization can happen a bit smoother than it has been going.

The song that is playing on my computer now is Photographs by Rihanna and it is quite depressing. I do not want to look at only what I have from my past. I want to see an honest future. But when I  am pushed against a wall, I am forced to be selfish and defensive. I refuse to be in any friendship or relationship or encounter where I feel like I have to behave that way.This blog is a little spiel that is helping me be a bit more genuine to myself and to others. Bri Bri said to me today  that I can not have a honest relationship with her, if I can not have an honest relationship with other people. How legit is that? My relationship with other people reflect how my relationship is going to be with her...when I first heard it, I agreed with her. But now after thinking  it over, I do not know if there is such a  strong correlation between my relationship with her and my relationship with other people...hmmmm...

Quote of the day" I am tired of running, let's walk for a minute." by Nelly Furtado in Promiscious Girl

Feminism, Feminism, Feminism

I had about two classes so far and they have been sooo amazing and engaging and ALL ABOUT FEMINISM. One class is titled Black Feminist Theory and discussses black woman's presence in history and in present time. I have this class with my twin sister!!! So, yeah it's going to be one heck of a ride. I thought it would be akward saying that I have this class with many students that I do not care for, but to my surprise it was not as bad as I thought it would be.

My next class was titled Philosphies of Feminism. Although this professor is very mundane, the content of the class is fascinating and I am looking forward to it. We will be discussing the different theories through a philosphical approach. Definitely a content that I am not use to but the uncomfortable-ness of it all is thrilling to me.

I also, signed up for counseling today. I know you may be thinking 'why am I happy about this?' but thats because I have someone else to vent to who can not judge me...and who might actually care about the context of my words.

I'm off to my Political Science Research Methods class....hope this is the perfect ending to my day

Glad to be Back

I am back on my college campus and let me say, I am glad to be back! The busy-ness of students scurrying around frantically to find classes and books  is overwhelming yet amazing. I miss challenging myself and other students in an environment where its  acceptable to be... aggressive. (laughing) And after a nice break in New York City, its glad to be in boring, slow Pennsylvania. I even heard crickets on my first night...
ahhh...the joys of not living in the city. ( being sarcastic, I actually hate crickets.)

My first day of classes were enjoyable saying that there was only one: History and Politics. My professor seemed a bit strange to me but tolerable. The class is only for 5 months right, so its nothing that I can not handle. Tomorrow, however, (sighs), I have class with a group of individuals that I do not care  for.They always make it their business for me to be as uncomfortable as I can be around them. So, what am I going to do? Well, I have my twin in this class, so I am going to do what I came to do...LeArN.

Wish my luck with this...for it may not be easy.

4th semester in college, you just have to learn to suck it up (shaking my head)

Sweet Dreams Readers.

Designing My Break

This past week has been wonderfully LONG and slow and AMAZING. Christmas was GREAT. I got to spend a lot of time with my family and friends. And it is no surprise that my New Years have been the same. I went to a party with my friends and my girlfriend and the twin and observed all the many cultures in Brooklyn. There was a lot of people dancing and having sexx on the dance floor and moments like this reminded me of why I missed New York. I missed seeing people having unlimited fun the way they chose to without a care in the world. I am excited to see what the next two weeks have in store for me.

I am looking forward to ice skating and hookah-ing and urgh...everythhing else I can possibly do here in the city.

My girlfriend and I are going to spend another fullfilling week together after a few days of some rough patches. I hope the time we spend helps us realize why we have been together this whole time. I really love her. And I know she feels the same so I hope the talk goes well. Wish me luck!