Commercials=marriage

I am back on my college campus working...again. Its 11:06 and I'm watching Criminal Minds (total addiction). I noticed that every commercial consists of "married persons." Any commercial that shows the left hand ring finger also shows well...a ring. This is fascinating and disturbing to me at the same time. Why do producers of commercials feel the need to imply that every woman is married? Why do every person need to illustrate monogamous relationships on television? Furthermore, what does that say about our society? I am upset at how non-existent 'unmarried" women and men are portrayed on commercials. It is heavily showing what the expected norms of America  should be.That everyone should be married, or tied down to ONE person. That's not reality-at all. That is not the norms for most of America. Actors and actresses feed into that stereotype. They spend thousands of dollars on weddings. They remarry time after time. They stay in unhappy relationships. And for what? To be apart of what America dooms to be the proper action of men and women: MARRIAGE.

This is a huge outrage to me as a Black Woman. I feel the pressure while watching television, while attending religious services  from time to time.It is done obviously yet surreptitiously at the same time. It is done in a way where if you were to see the fourth, left finger you would see the ring. I need to see more courage and creativity on the part of producers of commercials. I don't want to see the assumed lifestyle that some people believe is correct. I clearly need to make my own commercial. Distilling all that is pushed on American viewers and consumers. I am so tired of seeing what is not always really there. I wonder who funds these  ideas...who pushed this idea on  every person who wants to make commercials? Are they trying to grasp a certain audience? I don't know but I definitely need some answers.

I love the craziness of the night
It's obsolete
And creative
And it'd endurance lasts all night-
I love it all

11 month anniversary-

Yesterday (technically) was my 11 month anniversary with my girlfriend, Britney. Waking up not too sure how the day was going to turn out, Britney and I decided to do some shopping to prepare ourselves for Pride (the Gay Parade). Going into downtown Brooklyn, Britney and I finalized the last touches to the numerous outfits we would both need for this weekend. We brought a blow-dryer for my untamed hair and went to Popeyes to enjoy a delicious chicken lunch. We started to make our way home when Britney got the crazy idea to cut her dreads into a mohawk! Very impulsive indeed...but such a bad ass idea it was. Britney looks so amazing.So skater-ish. So...sexy.

We proceeded home to view the reactions of my family. Although the reactions were not what was expected, Britney got her first taste of wearing her new hair cut. Shortly after exchanging stories of our day with my twin sister, and re-enacting Kevin Hart comedy shows, Britney and I made our way back home.  Although I was hoping for a more ecstatic "ihop filled" 11 month anniversary, the one that I did have was just as amazing.

So incredibly IN LOVE----

When I first started this blog, I was trying to attract a certain audience. I wanted people to view me as the young woman I was trying to become, but have not managed to reach yet. However, I realized that I am striving to be something that I am not really too sure is really me. I shouldn't have to achieve to become someone. It should be natural. (Just like the kinks and waves in my hair).

What made me realize that was talking to my wonderful girlfriend tonight. We had a unruly run in with a centipede. We both were horrified (one of us more than the other, wink) and sort of paralyzed about what to do. After trying to catch this smart centipede for what felt like forever, we just asked her room mate to check the room out. Unfortunately, the centipede got away (that sneaky centipede *shakes head). After accepting defeat, we begin folding clothes, trying to clean the room up and what not. But the cleaning did not last long and before long, Britney and I started discussing all sorts of random things and slow dancing. And then the sensitive feelings started coming out, on both ends. From exchanging fears of natural hair to fears of losing her, I was just a mess (inside). But I realized, with some advice from Britney,  that being with someone (or even yourself for that matter) should not be DIFFICULT. It should be easy. It should be natural.

I feel super lucky and blessed to have her in my life. It reminds me of how lucky I am to have my mother, also, and best friends who are as supportive as they can be of my relationship with Britney. I am so incredibly in love with myself...and with all the healthy, positive relationships I've formed thus far.I would not be the person I am today without all of their wild, bizzarre encounters. I may not be the person that I want to be yet, but whoever I am in a few years from now, will be the person I was meant to be.

I am off to spend the rest of the night hoping that this centipede does not attack me or Britney.
PS. I love the New York City radio music station Power 105.1-----good tunes :)

California was a BLAST

I went to California with a bunch of people from my school a week ago, San Francisco to be exact. It was both an interesting trip yet a sad one. I am a city girl. And I literally thought I have seen it all. Until now. San Francisco is nothing like the postcards paints it to be. It's super rainy and cold. (Surprisingly). And the fact that there were tons of homeless people and even more abandoned buildings put the icing on the cake. Fortunately, I was not there for mere pleasure and had workshops discussing race to keep me distracted.


I learned a lot of new techniques to deal with multiculturalism on my ALL white private college campus in PA. The workshops were helpful but the conversations I had outside of the workshops were more life changing, I must say. I spoke with a law professor who explained the struggles of going to law school as a muliticultural student. She was right on the ball about everything she was saying. I went to dinnner that night already filled with so much...knowledge and questions.

The real excitment came when I visited Oakland. I was surprised at how...sweet and nolstalgic I was walking through neighborhoods I have never been before. One of my professors and two other students and I went soul food shopping. We tried atleast five different soul food restaurants and met soooo many people, gay and straight. For the first time on our California trip, I felt somewhat at home.There were BLACK PEOPLE. *laughing*

Our Oakland trip had to end before nightfall, which was a disappointment but the people we met mad the trip worth the travel. A few rainy days later, we left California to return to New York City-my home. I was sad to leave but was happy to be home. I learned so many things that really, honestly, changed my life. I am hoping that once I arrive back at campus in the fall, the things I learned are as widely received by my classmates as they were to me.

(Photos to come soon *Hopefully)

I refuse

I refuse to let this distance BREAK ME
I am not made in the apple of anyone's eye
BUT I am the desire of a few
I refuse to be SAD for being ANGRY
for feeling LONELY
I refuse to allow someone to control my feelings
my emotions...
this is my BODY and MIND
I need to take back control
I refuse to let the end of this academic year DRIVE ME CRAZY
I am young and
I refuse to waste my youth being anything but
YOUTHFUL

Song of the moment: I refuse by Aaliyah

Pandora Obsession

Thursday Morning- Time now  8:48 am  Bright and Early.
And these are the moments, I can't help but be grateful for PANDORA. These morning shifts are rough  but listening to music that I WANT to hear to makes it SO much easier. My job consists of me sitting at a desk answering phones/questions for 3 hours. Sounds fun, I know. And right after I rush to class in a frenzy...but atleast I have some throw back songs stuck in my head to accompany my frenziness *laughs*

Right now, I am mellowing out to Trina Broussard "Inside My Love"
Who knows what's next. The possibilities are literally ENDLESS. Especially since I have so many stations on this thing. I am too excited right now

When I'm control, who knows what will happen

Thanks Pandora...I am a true OBSESSOR

9 months and Counting

Tomorrow (April 22,2011) is my 9 month Anniversary. And I must say that I am ecstatic. I am one of those girlfriends that wants to buy her mate something if I can every month. Unfortunately, this was not the case for this relationship but it doesnt matter. My girlfriend and I are super happy to be seeing each other since my school is a couple of hours away from home. We don't get to celebrate every month together but when we do, it feels worth the wait. I am not sure exactly how we are going to be celebrating but to be spending time with each other is MORE than enough for me.




Britney posing after getting her hair done (again)





This is me (Zaraya) looking bright and youthful, also YELLOW is her favorite color ;)



I love the beginining thrills of relationships that carry over into the WHOLE relationship. Like when we wear each other's favorite colors. And how we suprise each other with something adorable, such as jewelry boxes, with jewelry in it ;)

I can't wait to go home and see her...and my other true love- NEW YORK CITY


Song of the Moment-She Will Be Loved by Maroon 5

A Hectic Week

Let's start with my computer. It caught a cold...and needs to go back to the Dell store to get better. It has had a cold for maybe 2 months, and it has been killing me. I went and got consultation and it was determined that my LCD screen is pixalated. (Urgh) Fancy way of saying the hardware has some glitches that comes when you drop a computer :(    I had to send it back to get vaccinated. LMAOOO...Hopefully, it shall return within a week.

On to other news, last night my twin sister, Rayshel, my friend Jessica and I did an all nighter. We decided that Sophmore year in college should end with a few more memories than what we have accumulated thus far. So, we stayed up and LIVED IT UP...We had what we called a "PANEL INVASION"...ha!!!

Now I am at work for an 8am shift. Yep, this is the life. I am not dying yet, but I am sure the feeling will come soon. (shaking my head)

I am going to try and stay awake fora couple more hours. No class today-everything was cancelled...and my Easter Break starts today! Whew!

xoxoxo,
Zaraya

I believe in Music...

While at work this morning, I re-discovered some really good jams. Mariah Carey got me through so many confusing yet exciting moments in my life. I can't believe that I am almost 20 now. It was just yesterday that I came out to my parents about my sexuality. It was just yesterday that I was crying over broken fantasies. And now...I'm in college. I'm happy for the most part and I'm doing something with myself. I am being productive. I am surrounded around positive successful people.

And while some people believe in a higher power... I believe in music The beats, the base, the acoustics, the lyrics, the rhythm...it's groovy. Its fun and ambitious and thats what life should be about. Exploring everything that you can. Taking risks. Making mistakes....and then learning from them.

I am inspired to...have fun and be young. You only get that oppurtunity once!

xoxo
Zaraya

Disclaimer:  I believe in God, too though 

Sleep is for the Weak

If I am not up studying for ridiculously HARD test, I am trying to support some class year in my school. Being an Resident Advisor is beyond "playing mommy" to my residents who live with me, it rolls into showing MAJOR community support. And quite frankly, as tiring as it is, it's pretty amazing. The different events that each class year commits to and bring energy to is fascinating...And on some nights, YUMMY.

But I must say, I do miss my shut eye. Like it's nobody's business. I miss SLEEP. AND snoring. And my bed...I'll find that sleep, I've been losing for the past week. And when I do, I am holding on to it, and never letting go...until class starts again the next morning, of course. lol

College is...

My friend Rosa is visiting me from home and let me say I AM HAVING AN AMAZING TIME.My day has been very unproductive yet rewarding. We went to a club last night and celebrated St. Patty's Days' in style.


We danced for a couple of hours...sanged along to the music in the car (REALLY LOUDLY) and made a Wawa's run on the way back to campus, but...


Wawa's was just not enough...And so, then came MacDonalds. As we were in the drivethrough of McDonalds, another car tried to skip the line...directly in front of our car. But we showed them who was boss.




My night was over at 3:30 with me collapsing on my bed after a nice hot shower...my friend didn't make it back to my room til 4:30-5...


Off to class at 1:30 and then...GAME DAY on the lawn of my campus....We played a card game called Store, using Uno Cards (yes, it's made up!) and then TABOO




Taboo anyone?


This day was a blast, enjoying the nice weather and lovely lovely people...College is...amazing.












Quote of the day: We wouldnt be doing half the stuff we do now if we were in high school, but now we  need it (these things) to keep our sanity...
-Disclaimer: This is Rosa's quote-

A Blog to Complain

*This is a blog about me complaining about my life. I apologize ahead of time*


I did not do my schoolwork any justice in my last blog. Silly me... Well, let me tell you know now. Let me tell you how my fate and I are LOSING love for each other...


My computer fell.
(my whole blog should be about this ONE moment).  I saw it drop to the floor...so quickly yet so slowly. Speechless...


And maybe irrepably damaged. I NEED my computer. Bad. It is the link between the social world and myself. It holds all my treasured memories and words. It's made history with me...long nights...early mornings...it's my support system. And now it's gone. :(


To make matters worse... I have a  paper that MUST be 6-7 pages due in 10 days. An analytical paper that was originally due IN APRIL...moved up almost a WHOLE FREAKING MONTH...(thank you, Political Science Research Methods class)


On to other news...my Philosophy of Feminism class wants to move a presentation date up...to NEXT WEDNESDAY...oh but the best part is...this lovely presentation has to be 20 mins long...


In other news, I am attending a scheduled event on For Colored Girls at my school...where I selected and ordered the food options for my whole class...I am excited because I did the TEDIOUS job no one wants to do at my school (and thats work with dining). So, I kind of rock!!


On to more FASCINATING news, I am going to try a new hair salon near my school caled NAPPY BY CHOICE. It's suppose to be a hair salon that can work well with NATURAL hair...(hint hint the name)...something that I don't see often with more hair salons that I go to. So, I am excited for this new adventure that lies ahead within the next week...(if I don't chicken out, because I HATE hair salons..with a passion. I hate the whole process, the smells, the forced socializing...)


This is my life for the week...extending into the weekend. GREAT


<3 Zaraya

Love in the Fast Lane

I just got back to school from Spring Break and what a JOKE it was. I barely did anything besides...play housewife to my gorgeous girlfriend. It was fun and different to play into stereotypical "womanly" roles for the first weekend I was here. I cooked for her, I cleaned and I did the laundry. Check me out.

We partied together like a real couple...had the walk of shame together like a real couple...and fell asleep on top of each other like a real couple.

Spring Break was pretty cool and now it's over.

 I am sooo swamped with work and stressed and exhausted.

And I can't even continue to elaborate on how tired I am because I know I better get back to it...urgh...yay college right

Zaraya

PS. But I had an amazing break and is so in love with my girlfriend. Yay LOVE

Spring Break super EARLY

My Spring Break is this upcoming Friday (March4th) which realy sucks because all my friends does not have their Spring Break until APRIL! What am I suppose to do for a week back at home when everyone else is stilll obsessing over papers and tests? Well, it is New York City...I'm sure I'll find some trouble to get into. Haha...


Today, I have a major midterm for a class that I could care less about ,History and Politics...and I have been studying off and on for hours. So, hopefully my grades will reflect that.


And after my midterms...is a paper due tomorrow and then PARTY


Can't wait.....




ps. I'M SORRY THIS WAS SUCH A SUPERFICIAL POST...LOL

80s Old School Hip Hop

This weekend was a blast. I went to an 80s Old School Hip Hop Dance and had an AMAZING time. I got dressed up wearing the best old school outfit I could find and danced for hours upon hours to music that defined the famous music we love so much called HIP HOP...
----All the artists that set the tone for our current Hip Hop artists today:

•  TLC
• Salt 'n Peppa
• Run DMC
• Queen Latifah (early 90s)
• N.W.A.
• Grandmaster FLASH

                        And the father of Hip Hop...DJ Kool Herc
Hip Hop was designed and developed through MCing, Beat Boxing, DJin and last but not least GRAFFITTI... I love Graffitti. Art at it's more raw point. (ahhh...refreshing)

Pictures from the night to come soon.

Black Womens Hair in Black Culture

In my Black Feminist Theory class today we discussed how oppressive the white elite system is to our Black Culture. Especially in regards to womens' hair. Black women reach a crosspoint where they have to decide whether to add chemicals to their hair to make it more "manageable" or to leave it in its' natural state. This was a very controversial discussion because some young black women, in the class, had their hair relaxed while others were rocking it all natural. How were we suppose to determine which hairstyle is more genuine and unique to our "BLACK CULTURE?" We could barely agree on what our BLACK CULTURE was. There was no right or wrong answer....just a lot whole lot of different viewpoints.

 I am personally in the process of growing my hair out of it's "permed state" and let me say, it's been a difficult yet fulfilling journey. I feel less stress about having to save money to "relax" my hair. I feel even less stressed about "needing money" to add hair to my own hair (also known as weaving it up). My hair was not built to handle all of this stress. And I should not subject my hair to this torture any longer. I have been braiding and re-braiding my hair for the past 6 months or so. And it's been...a journey. But I am learning to appreciate what I once thought was a curse: My nice thick hair!

In this stage of my life where I am turning 20 this year, I am realizing more about what makes me happy, without the external factors HUGELY AFFECTING MY DECISIONS. I am happy with my hair. It's rough sometimes, using the word ROUGH loosely, but it's mine. I own it. And I should determine what I want do to it. Not what I should do to it because of the field that I want to go into after I graduate. Isn't going to an ALL WHITE private college enough torture for me?


PS. All thanks goes to Britney for braiding my hair tonight :)

The Easy Life

Golden locks of hair
 entwined within each other
cuts and twists and curls
Smells like no other

Running around my dorm
laughing, gigling and screaming
We face no real storm
Our sunlight is beaming

Watching tv shows
of husbands asking woman for wives
we don't get that oppurtunity
we have to "fake" our easy life

MyQueerValentine

So, YES! I stole this title from my Valentine this year...so what?
 LMAO I had an amazing Valentine's Day this year. Britney and I exchanged gifts as soon as we could on Sunday night-early Monday morning. I had a meeting at 11pm but as soon as it was over, I ran to my room to see what was awaiting me.


It was a beautiful ring entwined with two hearts with each of our initials on it... "B" and "Z". It was the best Valentine's Day present I could have ever received. And besides that, we shared some wine and talked for a while, sitting Indian crossed, on my purple rug discussing our gifts and our future and it was just an amazing Valentines Day experience. Usually, Valentines Day is a day that only I am excited about but this year Britney went all out for me. She wrote me a beautiful song that confirmed her dedication and commitment to me.


She is definitely a good look for me. I am more happy than I have been in a while and I am looking forward to more holidays to come with her.






Love,
Zaraya

Another Again-

Another Again-By John Legend


It's a circle that never ends-
everything is connected.
This moment was meant to occur
this meeting was meant to happen
I was meant to realize that...
But why?
I barely know anymore.
 I don't know why things happen
Or how...but they do.
Everything is so connected in a wierd
It's a chess came thats addicted to being played
constantly over and over again
Over and over again
and when the king eventually is caught...
because no matter which team it is...a king is always caught
The game is over.
Again. And another again. And another again.
It's a circle that never ends-

Random Ramblings of Nothing Important

     
I got out of my Philosophy of Feminism class early because we had a quiz that I finished within about 50 minutes. I hope I did well. I semi-studied for it productively with other people and alone so hopefully, my studying skills pay off.
     I am in the library on my college campus in PA, where I live (sighs, I miss NYC) observing everyone else around looking busy at work and all comfortable and what not. And I feel totally MISPLACED. I am bored and I miss home and I miss my friends and I am tired of all the printers going off at the same time, printing what feels like a hundred pages each! But I am trying to be more optimistic about being on campus. I complain a lot when I have so much to be grateful for. I am realizing this slowly but surely.
        Tomorrow is pay day so I am excited not to be broke for a while. My checks last maybe two weeks at best and I just never know where my money is going anymore. I am an obsessive shopper at Walmart when I get the chance but with their low prices how can you not be? I buy neccessities for my everyday life such as soap and clothes detergent and...clothes...cheap clothes and by the time I check my account I have five dollars left! I know I must sound like a spoil brat but I gave myself a new goal/idea/whatever. I am not going to treat myself to anything major (i.e.a tattoo, or more clothes) until I get my grades to where I want them. I think this is a reasonable goal saying that it will encourage me to want to do better overall in my classes. So, example, if I pass this quiz that I took today with a B or higher, I will buy myself a nice article of clothing, like a shirt or something random. If I do not pass with a B or higher I will not get myself anything. I think thats fair since I am always trying to look for unceccesary things that I do not need anyway this will help me save money and only buy things one at a time.
   Well that was my random ramble for the day. There might be more to come. Who knows? lol

Tax Collecting Disaster

I filed taxes for the first time ever about two weeks ago! And as exhilarating as it was, the process was frustrating. The waiting for the check to arrive was even worse. But after 2 and a half weeks of waiting, it finally arrived. I was so excited (and broke) that I couldn't wait to cash it. I checked the time, and it was fairly early still (8:30pm) so I begged and pleaded for my friend to drive me to the nearest Walmart.            


When I arrived at Walmart, I waited on a LONG line that seemed to have a thousand people in front of me ,for what felt like forever, until I finally got to the cash register. But to my dismay, I discovered that they did not accept the bank that issued my check. AHHHHH! Are you serious? After all this rushing and excitement just to get to Walmart (which was like 4 miles away) it was all for nothing! 
Disappointed, I came back to campus. Empty handed and still broke. But my girlfriend and I enjoyed the rest of the evening watching Lifetime movies until I fell asleep dreaming about only one thing (Ok, maybe two things): Getting my check (and holding my girlfriend, of course)


In the morning, I got up early, washed up and walked to my local bank (Wachovia). They were so helpful and understanding about my situation. They acted swiftly and were very friendly, as well. And wa-la, I was able to cash my check within minutes. I hurried back to my dorm with a new plan in mind for the evening. Dinner and SHOPPING! 
I haven't done either of the two things yet, but when I get around to eating (and shopping) I will let you guys know.


Thanks to Wachovia and a whole lot of patience from my girlfriend while I was freaking out about the whole matter, I am able to have a peaceful and happy Friday :)

I don't want to...

For my un-named, unofficial girlfriend,

Baby, I know that I do not treat you any where close to the sunshine that you are

You are this tall, high yellow, sexy young woman who is smart

and getting more and more open minded as the days pass

I do not want to allow another day to go by without you knowing how special you are to me.

I refuse to allow another moment to go by

without your smile brighting up my morning and afternoon and evening

You share so much of yourself with me

and I am more than grateful for that

we do not have sex...we make love...mentally and emotionally and physically
and every time you touch me, I feel...
like a virgin touched for the very first time again...
(or the second and third time...whichever one you will believe ha!)
You are a big part of this crazy, untangible, unpredictable person I call Zaraya
I have fallen so deep for you...and I can't get up.

But honestly, I don't want to.

Fairly Legit

Today was a weird day for me. I am in this class titled Black Feminist Theory and the content is mind boggling. I am trying to approach the class with an open mind yet I can not help but feel like this class is wasting my time. It is exploring topics that I doubt even exist.

       The theories behind this feminism is very constrictive and exclusive. I believe that black women should fight for equality facing both the race front and the gender front. Yet, this class is telling me that black women can see into an insight that no other women can see into because they have been oppressed in a different way from other races. I do not agree with this concept yet it is a major idea behind Black Feminist Theory.

        My professor has made it her business to address my sister and I according to our last names (urgh) and calling us twins in the process. Hello, I have a name. Its Zaraya! Besides the obvious laziness with trying to learn  the difference between my sister and I, my professor continues to pre-suppose how I feel about the content and context of the class. Instead of asking my opinion, which can change from class to class, my professor assumes specifically my opinion. I am trying to remain open minded but I just can not see this class as anything close to fairly legit.

What should I do? Stay or Drop it?

A higher being...

This past week I decided that in honor of my friend, Jess, who is trying to lose weight, I would stop drinking liquor until her birthday (March 6th). This week has been pretty easy since they were school nights but now that all my classes are over, the beginning of my weekend has officially started. I have a bottle of cheap Svedka waiting in my mini- fridgerator calling my name in all types of alcoholic dialects, yet I must resist the urge not to drink. It should be easy right? Wrong! Not drinking is harder because I know that I set this goal up for myself and at any moment I can break this pact. I would only be disappointing myself really.

         Yet, two weeks ago, my girlfriend discovered that there is a 16 year old girl missing from her family since December 28th, 2010. She still has not been found. And today is January 28th, exactly a month since her disappearance. This became another reason to fast against liquor. I have not been too religious lately but to hear about a fellow black female missing for so long, it makes me believe again. It gives me a reason to believe that there is a higher being out there that is pulling all the strings with every persons' life. And that if you just pray a little harder, this higher being might pull some strings in your favor. It gives me a reason to stay strong and fast...so, wish me luck as I get through this weekend, sober and praying that this girl is found.

        It's interesting how people start to band together when a tragedy happens. What's more fascinating is  how people can relate to other's lost. I can't help but feel this mother's pain. Where is her daughter at? Is she alive? This can happen to anyone...but why specifically this family? It pushes my weak faith to the test. I hope I get through this weekend...without my Sveka bottle that so desperately wants to be drank. Ha! A higher being right....

Quotes for the New Year

This New Years has been off to an amazing roller coaster already.  Between discovering my disappointing Grade Point Average (GPA) and hearing the news that I have to resign from Student Government, I do not know what else can go wrong. I was excited for the New Year to arrive because in my naive and simple mind, I thought that the problems that existed before would no longer exist. Silly me...I should have known better. And some part of me knew that the problems I had would not automatically disappear but I wanted my fairy tale to be so real and true. (sighs) Fooled me.

A good thing that I discovered was that I got accepted into a conference that is taking place in California this year. I am super excited because this is a conference that I have heard has made a huge impact on other students life. So, without high hopes, I hope the same happens to me. I want a wake up call. From what, you may wonder? I DONT KNOW!  But a change definitely needs to happen. I want to discover what I have lost in the last few months and what I have gained. I know that this discovery is not going to happen on my own but I want to surround myself around people who know and care about me. So, this journey of self realization can happen a bit smoother than it has been going.

The song that is playing on my computer now is Photographs by Rihanna and it is quite depressing. I do not want to look at only what I have from my past. I want to see an honest future. But when I  am pushed against a wall, I am forced to be selfish and defensive. I refuse to be in any friendship or relationship or encounter where I feel like I have to behave that way.This blog is a little spiel that is helping me be a bit more genuine to myself and to others. Bri Bri said to me today  that I can not have a honest relationship with her, if I can not have an honest relationship with other people. How legit is that? My relationship with other people reflect how my relationship is going to be with her...when I first heard it, I agreed with her. But now after thinking  it over, I do not know if there is such a  strong correlation between my relationship with her and my relationship with other people...hmmmm...

Quote of the day" I am tired of running, let's walk for a minute." by Nelly Furtado in Promiscious Girl

Feminism, Feminism, Feminism

I had about two classes so far and they have been sooo amazing and engaging and ALL ABOUT FEMINISM. One class is titled Black Feminist Theory and discussses black woman's presence in history and in present time. I have this class with my twin sister!!! So, yeah it's going to be one heck of a ride. I thought it would be akward saying that I have this class with many students that I do not care for, but to my surprise it was not as bad as I thought it would be.

My next class was titled Philosphies of Feminism. Although this professor is very mundane, the content of the class is fascinating and I am looking forward to it. We will be discussing the different theories through a philosphical approach. Definitely a content that I am not use to but the uncomfortable-ness of it all is thrilling to me.

I also, signed up for counseling today. I know you may be thinking 'why am I happy about this?' but thats because I have someone else to vent to who can not judge me...and who might actually care about the context of my words.

I'm off to my Political Science Research Methods class....hope this is the perfect ending to my day

Glad to be Back

I am back on my college campus and let me say, I am glad to be back! The busy-ness of students scurrying around frantically to find classes and books  is overwhelming yet amazing. I miss challenging myself and other students in an environment where its  acceptable to be... aggressive. (laughing) And after a nice break in New York City, its glad to be in boring, slow Pennsylvania. I even heard crickets on my first night...
ahhh...the joys of not living in the city. ( being sarcastic, I actually hate crickets.)

My first day of classes were enjoyable saying that there was only one: History and Politics. My professor seemed a bit strange to me but tolerable. The class is only for 5 months right, so its nothing that I can not handle. Tomorrow, however, (sighs), I have class with a group of individuals that I do not care  for.They always make it their business for me to be as uncomfortable as I can be around them. So, what am I going to do? Well, I have my twin in this class, so I am going to do what I came to do...LeArN.

Wish my luck with this...for it may not be easy.

4th semester in college, you just have to learn to suck it up (shaking my head)

Sweet Dreams Readers.

Designing My Break

This past week has been wonderfully LONG and slow and AMAZING. Christmas was GREAT. I got to spend a lot of time with my family and friends. And it is no surprise that my New Years have been the same. I went to a party with my friends and my girlfriend and the twin and observed all the many cultures in Brooklyn. There was a lot of people dancing and having sexx on the dance floor and moments like this reminded me of why I missed New York. I missed seeing people having unlimited fun the way they chose to without a care in the world. I am excited to see what the next two weeks have in store for me.

I am looking forward to ice skating and hookah-ing and urgh...everythhing else I can possibly do here in the city.

My girlfriend and I are going to spend another fullfilling week together after a few days of some rough patches. I hope the time we spend helps us realize why we have been together this whole time. I really love her. And I know she feels the same so I hope the talk goes well. Wish me luck!